Does The Virtual World Create Connection, Disconnection, or Both?

Maggie Judge: 00:00:00

squirrel, you navigate the virtual world and you're healing, what can you do to be intentional in your choices to be more present and to set some boundaries? Welcome back listeners, we're going to talk some virtual world stuff. Today, we live in a virtual world, we've got zoom, and WhatsApp and FaceTime and WebEx, and my personal favorite Marco, there's all of these ways that we can connect virtually, and many of us now are more often home, navigating all the roles, we navigate work and household and parenting, and now add on top of that, healing ourselves. So, as women, we already tried to do it all. And now, all of it is more closely calling us or more loudly calling us. So how do you navigate all that and you think about it, we had to build the skills to live in a virtual world, there are benefits to the convenience of it all. However, however, I'm gonna tee that up, however, what are some of the impacts of that virtual world we live in now. So I'm going to tee up to you guys, it's,

Dina Legland: 00:01:24

you know, due to COVID. And due to all of that change, you know, there's times where we are home, we're trying to work. And we're also healing. And you can get very distracted. I know, we've talked about the dishes, the laundry, their pets, their kids, even parents, I mean, some people have to take care of their parents, and all these life dish, I'm going to call them distractions at the moment that we're surrounded with, because I don't think we're clear enough on our boundaries. You know, where we merge them all into one space, the house, you know, and we turn it on and off, depending on our moods, and how we're feeling, whether it's work, whether it's personal, whether it's that task shifting of you know, like I said, the laundry or the kids or, and we try to do some work, and then we got to do laundry. We think we have to do laundry. Okay.

Maggie Judge: 00:02:41

I want to chime in there a quick because I love that you call these things distractions. Because when we're not intentional about what we're focused on, which, as we're talking about this is what makes it hard to be intentional. When there's a trillion things right, then it all becomes distraction. Right? So that's such a great point. And and how do you kind of shift in between those things more intentionally, so that it's also in service of taking care of yourself.

Dina Legland: 00:03:07

But I also feel that we're always being pulled. And then we feel guilty about it. You know, whether it's work or whether it's personal. And I honestly, truly believe that, whether it's work, whether it's life and the family and home or whatever you want to call that other part, because it's a balancing act. You know, we also still need to be true to ourselves. We should be who we are in every avenue. Yeah, that's of life.

Maggie Judge: 00:03:44

That's that's a great point. And because a lot of these, when we're talking about virtual connections are living in a virtual world right now, in a lot of cases where it's work. Yep, we have virtual meetings for work. But we're also connecting with family and friends and loved ones, virtually. And more often, right. And so there's a lot more demand, because it's easier.

Dina Legland: 00:04:15

Yes, it's also it's, you can take it to the point of when you are going through the process, whether it's your treatments, whether your surgeries, you know, you just need to heal, you know, we truly need to just stop and think about our intentions and what we need through this.

Marla Ulstad: 00:04:40

You know, yes, and I think too, I was recently pointed out to me even just on any level, no matter whether you're healing or working or whatever you have going on when you're at home, just the energetic drain that all the distractions can be on you and how you physically feel, just from all of those things, seeing those dishes, seeing that laundry thinking about all the It's like a constant pole to your point, Deena that's like but take sucking that energy out of you as well, that doesn't exist when you're not in that environment, constantly having that in your face.

Dina Legland: 00:05:19

And I think when you're not feeling well, because I'm gonna kind of relate this back to the the process of going through, let's say cancer, whether it's breast cancer or another, it's, it's like, okay, wait a second. That seems to intensify all. Everything else in our life, the dishes, the work the kids, the parents, I think it intensifies, or we allow it to make it more intense. And that's where we mentioned a little while ago about setting those healthy boundaries to heal, even in the virtual world. Yeah.

Marla Ulstad: 00:06:02

I think I like it. I like that you said it's an intentional choice to because you also, when you're making those intentional choices, whether it's the work or the life stuff that's happening, you're also freeing up creativity and things that you want to get done. Because if you're if you're trying to task switch back and forth, like you were discussing, I think it impacts my personal creativity, or how much I can like, brainstorm ideas or get the things that I need to get done. I think it just creates like little roadblocks in my brain because it's like, too many too many things. It's like, having too many tabs open on your computer.

Dina Legland: 00:06:43

A good analogy, yes. You got them all open. It's like, Okay, where was I? What was I doing? I gotta go back to that.

Maggie Judge: 00:06:50

And then they're all calling you because they're all waiting?

Dina Legland: 00:06:55

Yes, yes. You know, but even even if we're going through this healing process, or this journey, and we are on a virtual call. I just sometimes it's just, even if we're on on the call with family with we're talking about our, you know, healing journey. So it could be work, it could be family, but I love when other people are multitasking, why I'm trying to have this conversation with them. Whether it's, you know, they want to know how I'm feeling. But are they really present? Because they're looking at all the tabs that are open?

Maggie Judge: 00:07:30

Yet? Right? Right? Or the watch? Are there? Yes, that's the phone is so true. It's, it's too easily, easily easy to be distracted. And then when you're talking to someone that's distracted, you just, it's, you know, am I being heard, am I being listened to? Do I even matter? Why am I on this call? Right.

Dina Legland: 00:07:48

Right. So

Maggie Judge: 00:07:50

So I think that leads to just a very good point about really being intentional about what virtual connection connections you are making, whether it's a quick call with a family member, or whether it's a work meeting, like being intentional, like, do I have to be there? Do I want to do that right now? And then making a choice? Right,

Dina Legland: 00:08:15

and you have the choice? Yeah, surely have the choice? Yes, I do know that there are certain meanings when you're trying to work that you have to be on. But there's times where like you said, is it? Do I truly need to be there? Is there somebody else that could be in my spot? When we're trying to work? When we're dealing with family and friends? That's truly your choice? Well,

Maggie Judge: 00:08:45

yeah, exactly. And,

Unknown: 00:08:46

you know,

Maggie Judge: 00:08:47

I think of a couple different examples for me when I was going through chemo, I actually, you know, it was in the thick of COVID, right, which is, which is a big part of what threw us into this virtual world at but I think about going through chemo and the fact that I didn't want to. I didn't want to be out and around anyone. Because I didn't want my chemo to be put off. Like if I got COVID or flu or anything. I had a delay in my chemo, right? I was like, I don't want that to happen. So so one thing I loved about the virtual world is it gave me the opportunity to connect with people that I couldn't get together with in person. So that opened up doors, which I appreciate it. However, the flip side of that was, I felt when I had low energy and wasn't feeling really well. Maybe a little nauseous. I still felt like well, I can sit up on the couch and I can work and thank God for Marla because she's like, No, no, no, you can't go to bed. Give me your stuff.

Dina Legland: 00:09:56

That's the difference between somebody that did the work that you were Molot that you and Marla do, versus the work that I did, taking care of people teaching my students. I mean, there was a combination of things, riding the ambulance for the local fire department. It was like, I needed to be in person when I could. So it did affect things a little bit differently. Yeah. You know, I, you know, felt when I couldn't go to work, I didn't go to work, you know, when I had the strength, and I was feeling good. I went to work. You know, I didn't go through my journey, like you did during COVID. I was diagnosed back in 2016.

Maggie Judge: 00:10:44

So you didn't have that virtual poll as much?

Dina Legland: 00:10:47

No, no. But being on the other end and healing and being in remission, and then COVID hit, and networking and, you know, doing the things that we do, ah, I felt like I always had to be in the virtual space. And I would feel guilty when somebody did want to talk to me virtually, whether it was a meeting or whether it was personally, you know, and I was just like, what are they going to think if I don't get on this call? And you know, I'm too tired. And you go through all of that. Yeah, cuz

Maggie Judge: 00:11:21

one could argue it's even harder than because that's when the boundaries become harder to set. Because what emanate? What do you mean, you feel you feel just fine, you're, you're right, you're not going through treatments anymore. You can connect whatever. You're not exactly.

Dina Legland: 00:11:35

But I'm actually going to take it back to what you said, when you were dealing with your journey and COVID Hit how you were able to talk to people virtually and see them. What what was good in the sense with my journey was that my oldest daughter lived in a different country. She was going to vet school in in St. Kitts. So we used what's app. So she virtually saw me through my entire process.

Maggie Judge: 00:12:03

Yeah, that's amazing, right? Yeah. so valuable.

Dina Legland: 00:12:08

Right? Yes. Right. And it was able to connect. So technology has its pros, and it has its cons. Yeah, and a whole virtual space.

Maggie Judge: 00:12:17

The whole Yeah. And I do feel like it becomes so important. When you think about, even like the main points for our listeners here of really, it comes down to making sure that with all of the challenges we talked about, but as well as the opportunities that the virtual world gives us, being intentional, becomes so important, and really honoring your healing. And you first regardless of where you're at in your healing journey, because like you were just saying, Deena, ongoing healing, it becomes harder to say no, because the shoulds kick in, right. Whereas when you're going through your treatments, it's a more clear I can't or I can't

Dina Legland: 00:13:03

but it's also the expectation from others. When you said should expectation came to my mind. Yeah, people people expect you know, you're in remission. You're fine. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You know, go back to being you know, I have changed

Maggie Judge: 00:13:20

back to business as usual. Yes. And so I want to Oh, go ahead.

Dina Legland: 00:13:24

I just want to make sure that I listen is get the point of not feeling guilty about the decisions you make. Amen. It was, it was actually one of the hardest things and I'm still learning. I'm not, I am not that person that says, Okay, I'm guilt free of everything. No, I'm still learning and growing with that. But it's important not to feel guilty about you choosing yourself first, even in the virtual world.

Maggie Judge: 00:13:53

Yes, I think that's a brilliant way to put it. And when you do make the choice be present. So So I think even thinking about whether you're going to do it or not just even imagining whether you're able to be present or not. If you feel like you're going to have to multitask, then that's a sign No. Right

Dina Legland: 00:14:15

then you don't get you don't get on that virtual call or that meeting or whatever. Yeah,

Marla Ulstad: 00:14:19

yeah, that's part of the empowerment right? You do have the choice you do not have it's easy to feel like you have to accept all of these appointments coming at you because they're they come in plethora, but like, you don't have to you can say no, it is your schedule. It is your, your healing, your choice, all the things so like, I love what you said, Dina, like don't feel guilty about it, make the choice and then live with that choice to be present or don't join in the first you know, not accept it. Right.

Maggie Judge: 00:14:49

Well, and I love that too. Because you think about it, and you you can say no. I used to struggle to say no, because I felt like if somebody asked me for a certain time I have to take that time. Well, no, I can say, You know what, this time doesn't work for me How about and throw out another option, right, which was the gift away.

Dina Legland: 00:15:10

But you know it just like the bell just went off. They're asking you for a specific day and time. They're not giving you available this day, this day this day in that time, they're giving you one. So how is that supposed to fit my puzzle of life here? Yeah. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. Yes. So let's pick another day and time that works. That guy, that guy. That's what just struck me when you said yeah, I love

Maggie Judge: 00:15:40

that. Yeah, that's true. And I feel like to that, that's where the, the boundaries of this just space and time become so critical. And making sure that you're not gonna be distracted by all the things and a biggest part of that is also making sure that you're feeling okay and up for it. Right. Right. So So I want to say to our listeners that you know, there's so there's so many, again, challenges with this and opportunities with the virtual world. And speaking of the virtual community and connecting virtual, we want you to join us in our Facebook group. If you have not done yet, he'll inside and out and comment on episode 48. We'd love for you to share some of your tips for navigating your healing in this virtual world. So as we wrap up today, remember, also check out our next episode about the value of connecting in person because we always say and believe healing is truly inside and out