Bald, Bold & Beautiful

Maggie Judge: 00:00:00

embracing the reactions and the choices that we make when we lose our hair. Welcome back to heal inside. Now today we're going to talk bald, I just the word bald is even a hard one to say. And here, I think. And when you think about breast cancer, those going through breast cancer journey, most of us lose some, if not all of our hair, because of the treatment. That usually starts two to three weeks after you begin your treatment. It's different for all of us, of course. But it's, it can be devastating. And there's many ways to navigate it. And so Dina, my first question to you is, like, what was the hardest part for you and losing your hair?

Dina Legland: 00:00:50

Ah, the hardest, I always thought what it would be like to be bold, to be honest with you, because when I know I had to go through chemo treatments, I knew they told me I was going to lose my hair. So I kept saying, What am I going to look like bald Am I gonna have a nice round head is it going to have some dents in it, like I kind of like pitching this whole thing. And I have very thick curly hair, and it was much longer. So what started to happen was right before Thanksgiving, my hair started to come out in clumps, it was on the pillow, I would brush my hair would be big clumps. But like a day or two, before for my family, we're supposed to come over for Thanksgiving because they will do and everything. I just happened to reach the back of my head and I just kind of did like a comb. You know, like my fingers will my comb. And I went something like that. And I grabbed my hair. And I was just like, oh, a huge, huge clump was in my hand. And that's when it hit me. It was like, That all came from just brushing my four fingers through my hair. And it was just, it was devastating to me. And what had to happen was I'm like, alright, what am I going to do with this? Alright, so I spoke to my husband, he was home and we were we were chit chatting about it. And, and I was okay. But the other challenging part of this was, now my whole family is coming over for Thanksgiving. Is anybody going to notice? Because I know it's much thinner. But people can't tell because my hair is so curly. So nobody noticed. In my head I was playing this whole game of are they going to notice? What are they going to say? Who's going to be upset? Am I going to get upset. So that weekend, after the family went home, it was just me my husband and my two daughters. And I asked them to come with me to my hairdresser to get my head buzzed. Because I really didn't want clumps and clumps of hair coming out. I just to me that was that was difficult to deal with. And I said, Let's just shave it. I'll have like a little crew cut. And then we'll see what happens. And that's how that was very challenging for maybe somebody who had a lot who has a lot of hair sick, curly hair.

Maggie Judge: 00:03:29

Well, and I saw some similarity there for me because I've I've my hair which was has always been sorry, a huge part of my identity. And I couldn't imagine myself bald. And I didn't even go as far as to your point like, am I going to have denser bumps? Is it going to be round or what? What shape is it going to be? But I could not imagine myself bald, and I've always had I will say a pretty active inner critic. So I loved my hair. And I want it I just I didn't know how much more active my inner critic would be. Now if I lost my hair, how was I going to look? Right that sort of that's that that was sort of crushing to me when I would think okay, I'm either going to have to hide behind hats and wigs or just not just hide altogether and not show myself because I couldn't even imagine looking at myself in the mirror. Which what's interesting about that is i i sent myself a video before I shaved my head because I knew how hard it was going to be and I recorded a video and I told myself this is temporary your hair does not define you so it's almost like a fake it till you make it thing where I just said to really tell myself, you've got this, it's temporary, you're gonna be okay. Right. And that video helped me a lot. And I like you. I remember it was before Christmas that I started started to come out in clumps. And I, my husband and I were getting ready for something in the morning, we were getting ready and in the sink. Just so much hair was coming out as I was trying to even just lightly comb it because like you said, your fingers go through like a poem or a brush. It's just my husband was sweeping it out of the sink as fast as he could. So I wouldn't see the accumulation of clumps of it. Yes. And that's when I knew to your point. I had to just go shave it because I didn't want to go through that feeling any longer. I just wanted to shave it. Wow, though, that yeah, we both kind of share that whole let's let's get rid of it not dealing with clumps anymore.

Dina Legland: 00:06:00

Absolutely. And when I decided to go to the hair salon and have my hairdresser full, I've had for years. Buzz my head. She had tears rolling down her eyes, a face, I should say. And I'm saying, Oh no, please, please. I'm learning how to deal with this right now. And she's upset. And my daughter, I could see my daughters are getting upset. And there was an older woman sitting next to me in the chair. And she's, you know, I was a homecare nurse. I love elderly people. So I'm like, Alright, lady, give it to me. Give it to me. Because I could see her staring at me acid. Come on. I know you want to say something? So I can. I was joking around about it. She goes, honey, it's just hair. You are a beautiful soul inside. And she goes, and it was just so ironic Maggie, that she also went through breast cancer. Oh, wow. And she says, Look at me now. Why? And then I knew everything was gonna be okay. response. I love that. Yeah, it was it's amazing on how those connections happen at the times you need them. Without a doubt.

Maggie Judge: 00:07:22

Exactly. Well, and I will say that, when I say upfront, I was really hard on myself. And I'm telling myself all these stories of how hard it's going to be, it actually wasn't as hard No, as I made it out to be in my head. And that's a big thing I want the listeners to take away is that we can make these things so big, and so insurmountable. And, and it's just a matter of loving ourselves and trusting it's going to be okay. I remember my daughter telling me Mom, when you lose your hair, that's going to be the hardest part for me, because it's so real. And that's so true. Because it's it's a physical, tangible show of what we're going through, right. So I invited her in the process, and I was blessed to have my one of my best friends be my hairdresser. For you. Okay, she has. So she's just like, you tell me when where what word like she's just like, you just tell me. And so I told my daughter, you are invited into the process. So we'll go through this together. So we were like, not it's not just a shock. I'm all of a sudden, bald, right? So she came with me. And we had so much fun. We did go hawks, and VO hawks and comb overs and all of this stuff to make it a fun time. And yes, we laughed and we cried. And we you know, we just moved through the emotions together. So it's to your point, it's like, finding those those the parts of the process and the people in the process that will help make it easier. It is actually part of it. It's a huge part.

Dina Legland: 00:09:08

Yes. So how did you did you use anything? Any tool, any strategy, something to help with the boldness?

Maggie Judge: 00:09:23

Yes, I will say that had you had you approached me back then and said, well just be bold. I would have laughed, right. Like my, my daughter in law initiated a really bold healing moment for me and she doesn't even know it. And this was like this was at Christmas. Just shortly after losing my hair. She just she looked at me and she said are you just going to embrace the bald and I looked at her inside I'm like, Oh hell no. But I mean, but then my second thought was, I spent, I scan the room and I've got four beautiful granddaughters standing there. And I'm like, this could not be a more beautiful opportunity to show some strength here. Okay, and so I'm wearing a wig and a Santa hat. Right? And I, after she asked me that question, I asked all the granddaughter to set Okay, let's go on the bathroom. And asked, okay, are you ready? And they of course, knew what I was going through. But they know we hadn't. We hadn't really talked about much. Right? I said, are you ready? Really probably asking myself if I was ready, right. And I just, I just took off the way and the hat. And the looks on their faces. Do you know, it was like, the surprised luck, especially on my youngest granddaughter, but it was like, I was no longer hiding. And it felt so empowering to show them that I'm okay. I got this. No, I don't have any hair. But so what? Yes. So that was I think it was a moment that I chose to really leverage for them. But it ended up helping me more than I knew. Yeah. So create that shift to your point.

Dina Legland: 00:11:29

Yeah, the shifts, that shifts can be a lot of fun. And it can be very shocking to others, and to ourselves. As like you said, you were saying to yourself, are you ready? Are you ready? But yeah, it really was about Maggie being ready. Right? Right, right.

Maggie Judge: 00:11:43

What did you do? And I'm guessing you had finally

Dina Legland: 00:11:47

got I did have I had a lot of fun with it. Before I got my head, my head shaved that Thanksgiving weekend. So the family is over on Thanksgiving Day. So I I'm upset. My bathroom was upstairs with the bedrooms and everything. So I said to my sister and my two daughters. You gotta come upstairs, I gotta show you something. So they're like, where are you? I said, I'm in my bathroom. I gotta show you some just can you just come up here. So that all three of them come up there. And my sister in law says for them. And I decided to take like I said, the back of my head, comb my fingers through it, get a big clump. I did it on both sides. And I got two handfuls of hair. And they were like the face that like you said, the look on it was shock, right? And my youngest ones crying and I'm like, stop crying. You know? I never happens. You know, mom, Nurse EMT, I'm crying. I said we're gonna play a joke on Uncle Lenny. Oh, just my brother. Oh, you did not? Yes, my brother is completely bald. He lost his hair young, like my grandfather and my great grandfather and everybody else. So I took both clumps of hair. I go running downstairs, right? And I come behind them. And he's sitting on the couch. And I put all the hair on the top of his head. And I'm fixing it making a little toupee. And everybody's like, What is wrong with you? How come you're just so lazy? Like this is serious. I said, What's so serious about it? It's hair. I said he wants more hair. And he's always said to us. I wish I had your hair. I said Yeah, here it is.

Maggie Judge: 00:13:35

Well, and so that what's so I love that story, Nina and I love that you had fun with that. And I think you may have a better way to articulate this. But something that I really want our listeners to understand is that it isn't about just laughing our way through it. There's hard stuff.

Dina Legland: 00:13:54

Oh, absolutely. There's a lot of hard stuff. Yeah. And

Maggie Judge: 00:13:57

we move through that stuff in our own unique ways. Right. And there is you as you said, in our other episodes, there's no right or wrong way to do this. No, but finding the humor. And in your case, like just kind of play in fine with your brother and with everyone else in the room. It just helped lighten things in that moment.

Dina Legland: 00:14:19

Yes, yeah, I have one of the story that I really wanted to share for for audience and listeners. Now, see, I still had hair, but it was, you know, coming out in clumps, and that's when I shaved it. But when I was completely bald, I belong to the fire department. And a lot of the old time firemen are completely bald, you know, no hair, no hair whatsoever. And I would wear my little beanies with my headbands or scuffs and all kinds of different things. So I'm at a meeting one night, and I say, all right, nobody's seen this bald head yet. Okay, so there are four old time for I've been sitting around the table and I come up behind two of them, because their backs up to me. And all four of them as bald as can be. I rip off my beanie. And I put my head next to somebody else, one of the fireman's heads, and I'm like, my head is shinier than yours. Love it. They were like, what puts up with time? I'm like, No, I'm not putting it back. I'm gonna sit right here with you. I said, I'm going to have a beer. And we're going to talk. I love that she was hysterical. And from that point forward, it was just like, I mean, yes, my chemo treatments were mostly through the wintertime. So it was cold out. But when I was inside, whether it was my own house, the fire department, sometimes that work if it got too hot, I took my beanie or scarf off. I just couldn't deal with the heat. I really couldn't. Well, that was my choice. Yeah, it was my choice. And one or two times somebody got a little uncomfortable. And I said, are you okay? And they were like, Why are you worried about me? I said, because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. And they were like, I'm like, Yeah, I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable. I said, I'm choosing to to not wear my scarf today. Are you okay with that? And they were like, that's when they were like, Oh my God, yes, we're fine. But we just gotta get used to your bald head of yours.

Maggie Judge: 00:16:25

Yeah, and that's a really good point to do. Because in some cases when you're first divulging that, if you will, some people might be really uncomfortable. And so choosing those moments, very intentionally is a good is a good thing, too. I actually was the universe forced me into my first divulging to the public if you because I was actually at a shopping center, I had a wig and a baseball hat on. And I hop out of my truck, and I'm headed into the store walking across the parking lot and a gust of wind. Oh, no comes up. And my hat goes fly in. And so I Okay, I'm kind of just run into get it. Well, then my wig goes flying. And so now I'm literally feeling like, Okay, this is this could be America's Funniest Home Videos, right? I'm chasing the two of them like Tumbleweed across the parking lot. And when I got home, it was like I could have cried, I guess would have cried because I'm standing there bald and looking like whatever running through the parking lot chasing them thing. But when I got it, I just laughed. It was like, what else can you do? I just got a laugh. And I talked him back in the truck. And I went into the store ball. That was sort of what triggered that. Right? So just to your point. It's like there's there's different there's different ways to just show up that way. And I feel like there's a whole other episode on just hats and scarves. And just, you know, the times that we choose those things and like you say it's we do have a choice, right?

Dina Legland: 00:18:07

Yes, yes. And the thing is, is, you know, we want our audience to know that. If you truly want to wear a wig, you truly want to wear a scarf and you never want to show anybody your bald head. That's okay. Just because you and I are talking about that we embrace it. There are plenty of people out there that don't want to and they're okay with it as long as they are doing it for themselves.

Maggie Judge: 00:18:36

Exactly. And that's the thing is, this is a beautiful place. A beautiful part of this journey where we can take as much control as we can right around this area of find the cute hats, find the cute wigs or embrace the cute baldness. Some people get tattoos on the baldness some people. So it's it's it's almost like a liberating thing as well to take that control where you can take it.

Dina Legland: 00:19:08

Yeah, a lot of the firemen would say to me, Wow, you got a nice round shaped head. hours is not that we make yours better than ours. I was. I love it. No. But like I said, it's just, you know, embrace what you feel you need to do, or want to embrace. Yes. And not feel guilty about it either. You know, it's a lot easier sometimes for us to say it because we have already gone through it and we're looking back. But even as I was going through the journey, it was tough at times. I'm not going to say it was all peaches and cream. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, you're wondering what people are going to say think feel, you know, but once you do it and In like you said, it's sometimes so liberating that you don't go back. Yeah. And you you pick and choose when you want to, you know, wear a hat, wear a wig, wear a scarf, or nothing.

Maggie Judge: 00:20:13

Yeah, I love that. And so I would say a couple things include include meaningful support, yes, in the process, right. And then I would also say, this gives you the opportunity to maybe do some things you'd never do. Like, for example, I had an extra week of padding in there. So I did a short little sassy Bob, that I got to enjoy for the first time ever. I always had long hair, right. But yeah, and just really love yourself and do what you need to do, as you said,

Dina Legland: 00:20:44

exactly. Yeah, exactly. Oh, once again, another amazing conversation here. Yes.